12 Nov Can We Get Over Insecurity Forever Or Does It Stay With Us Forever?
Whenever I hear my parents doubting themselves through the questions they asked me, or my best friend acting like the usual apologetic, self-deprecatory she is, I could sense the insecurity behind their voices. How am I capable of sensing it? Well, because I have some insecurities inside. Behind my whole over-the-top, smiley-face personality set I have, hidden some insecurities which I didn’t even realize were insecurities in the first place. But it actually feels very liberating and free once you realized that these ‘disturbances’ you’re having are actually insecurities.
Thankfully, a lot of people have been helping me realize and acknowledge the insecurities I have so I can work on them better, and because of that, I can also spread the helps I could to my loved ones around me. But what sometimes bugs me is how realizing that we have insecurity(ies) could take a long time, and I see a lot of people around me who haven’t even realized the insecurities, deeply rooted inside themselves. Those insecurities destruct their confidence and clear point of view from the inside, even people who are considered a wiser or better-behaving figure than most people face these.
When I witness these in the people I know or know of, it breaks my heart, and probably my faith in mental well-being too. It made me question, does insecurity really go away from someone’s life when that person got over it in a specific period? When someone managed to conquer their own inner insecurities, are they gone for good or would they pop back in that person’s life because insecurity actually stays with us forever?
From what I have learned so far, I find no proof that after we got over certain insecurity, it will actually stay inside us for a lifetime. When we got over certain insecurity, it might pop back in if something that happens in the future reminds us of that insecurity, that’s possibility number one. Some (or one) insecurities inside us could actually stay within us for a long time if we don’t do something about it or don’t even realize its existence.
Remember I said it breaks my heart when people considerate enough to be my role models actually have insecurities too? In my case, some of them happen to be my dad, my mom, and some of my best friends who act tough as nails. Not too long ago, I asked my independent, realistic-thinking best friend if she has faced any insecurities before because it just doesn’t seem like her type to have insecurities, right?
Turns out she revealed that she does face insecurities, mostly about other people’s skills. But she says that she doesn’t dwell on them too much and for her, usually when she managed to get over certain insecurity by setting a strong enough positive mindset, that same insecurity won’t bug her anymore even if it appears again in the future. That gives me encouragement and made me think that, if someone actually got over one insecurity, that same insecurity can be really gone without having any significance even if it pops back inside us in the future, it wouldn’t interfere or disturb us anymore.
But even if we do get over certain insecurities, there’s a possibility that insecurities are not completely gone in our lives. But, if we get insecure again in the future, it would not be caused by past insecurities (or current insecurities) that we have defeated. Touré Roberts wrote in his book, Wholeness: Winning in Life from the Inside Out, that “A lesser love will always leave room for insecurities. When love in your life is conditional, there is no guarantee it will last forever. This threat of love leaving creates instability and insecurity.”
One kind of common insecurity is love-related insecurities, which usually breed problems in relationships. Through the excerpt above, it’s explained how insecurities could appear if the love isn’t strong enough even though it is the core of a relationship. That insecurity appeared because of the conditional love people might have. So if someone got over certain insecurity, let’s say relation-ship based for the sake of this case’s theme, other insecurities could appear but not because the same insecurities stay inside them forever.
So just like relation-ship-based insecurities could appear when the bond between the people involved in it is not strong enough, we could stumble into insecurities anytime because of something that becomes affiliated to us in the future. Even when we got over our current insecurities, we could face other insecurities in the future, but not because our present-day insecurities stay within us forever. Just like movies always have conflicts, insecurities will always be present in human emotions. Insecurities don’t stay inside us after we conquered them, but new ones might pop up in the future if some problematic catalyst happens.